Ash attempts a sour dough bun.
It was way past mid-night, almost early morning. Years ago, Big B’s ancestors in Allahabad by this time used to be awake and milking the cows already. But this is Bombay, a city best understood by imagining New York and Los Angeles rolled into one. A city of extreme contrasts. A place populated by industrialists richer than the Queen of England while also a home to people poorer than the crack whore in the inner cities of USA.
The residence of the Khan apartment were alarmed by a sharp but unrelenting knock on their door. Salim Saheb, the patriarch of the family thought that perhaps one of the guests from the party that had ended moments ago had forgotten something and was returning to collect it. Arbu his son, jumped up, and opened the door. Inspector Eagle walked in with a pissed off look on his face.
“Where is Sallu”, he asked in a very firm voice.
Arbu who was the brains of this family quickly tried to engage the Inspector., “ Would you like a drink, the party is over but the food & drinks are still out”
“N O O, no drinks, I want S A L L U”, the inspector barked.
“What is the problem” Arbu asked trying to be as accommodating as possible
“The Problem” Inspector Eagle responded with an incredulous look, “there is a bun in Ash’s oven, we think she is baking a sour dough bun, we think the starter came from Sallu Mian, and if that is the case, I promise I will nail his eye balls to the wall for this”.
“Now, now Inspector. Ash is a married women, it could be Lil C’s child. Why are you accusing Bhaijaan” Arbu tried to reason in vain.
This really got the inspector very upset, he yelled, “Yes that is possible, but from what we know about Lil C’s capabilities, it is highly unlikely. Therefore stop wasting my time and tell me where was Sallu during the IIFAA awards. Was he anywhere close to Ash ”
Arbu’s heart sank because he knew where Sallu was during IIFAA. He also knew that the word was on Dargah Streets that after a diet of Lil C, Ash was craving for Sallu these days. Nonetheless he tried to diffuse the situation, “ That does not mean anything. You have to wait till the child is born and then if he is a lousy to mediocre actor then it is without doubt a Bachchalan child. Even otherwise there are so many possibilities. If the child is an outstanding actor, the very best, the Don Jungli Billa Khan of actors, then it could be SRK’s child. If the child is tall & handsome, with a twitching nose and very light eyes, then it could be Hritik Roshan’s child. If he has “paan stains” then it could be Ajay Devgan’s. If he is very insecure and takes a million re-takes, then probably Amir Khan is the father. Why are you accusing Sallu Bhaijaan without any proof”
Some of what Arbu said sank into Inspector Eagle’s head, “What are you trying to tell me” he said, a little calmer now.
Arbu seized the opportunity and responded in a matter of fact manner, “Well, it is not as if she has lived a life of a saint, even Vivek Oberoi had his way with her. Come on, even Vivek Oberoi, given Ash’s history you just cannot walk in here and start accusing Bhaijaan without any proof. He has rights too”.
Inspector Eagle suddenly realized that he had jumped the gun, he backed off, “OK then, if we find that the child turns out to be such a lousy actor that he plays a Panju from Batinda as if he was a Doodhwala Bhaiya from Allahabad and simultaneously if the child turns out to be ugly, then I will remove Sallu from the list of suspects, but till then make sure he does not skip town without my permission. Sallu is always guilty until proven innocent.”
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This is just bakhwas…..how can somebody degrade the character of a married women to this extent. this sucks and shows the poor taste and character of the person who has created it.
u moron , pervert
I dont have the highest regard for either Salman or Ash as human beings, but this piece of writing is absolutely condemnable. The writer must know that no matter what your personal subjective opinion maybe on someone’s values or character, publicly defaming a woman and refering to her with such perversion doesnt do much for your credibility as a writer or a commentator.